


Hesitation

by lmontyy



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Awkward Romance, Canon Lesbian Relationship, Ellie - Freeform, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Jesse - Freeform, Lesbian Character, Romance, TLOU, Teen Romance, The Last of Us - Freeform, Useless Lesbians, dina - Freeform, ellie and dina, ellie is so in love with this girl, ellie williams, ellie x dina, its not even funny, the last of us 2, the last of us part 2 - Freeform, the last of us part ii, the last of us part two, tlou 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2019-10-30
Packaged: 2021-01-13 00:00:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21234749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lmontyy/pseuds/lmontyy
Summary: Ellie has to escape the party to gather her thoughts after her first kiss with Dina. Too bad Dina isn't good at leaving her alone.





	Hesitation

**Author's Note:**

> This is a direct continuation of the June 2018 E3 trailer, with Ellie and Dina's kiss.
> 
> It's been a few days since I updated! I explained on my Tumblr that school, college, work, and band have all been kicking my ass these past few weeks, and starting mid to late November I will have way more free time on my hands, as all my important college things will be out of the way!  
So, for anyone who requested a fic later on my list (or recently), bear with me, as it may take me a little while to pump out more fics! Thanks so much!

The stars gleamed overhead in the dark sky. Prior to going inside the building, the sky was stained orange and purple. The darkness was undeniably comforting, the cool winter air around her igniting goosebumps on her skin. The backyard of the old church was quiet and buzzing, the cold wind biting at her face and leaving it stained pink. Her own breath – visible in the air – tickled her lips as it released.

Ellie looked down at the old watch Joel had gifted her. She had completely lost track of time, she was too busy getting lost in the lights, the dancing, in Dina’s lips.

Dina’s lips, she found herself thinking about them nonstop since their time on the dancefloor. What they felt like, what they looked like, how they glimmered as she leaned in to kiss the taller girl. The entire moment felt like a complete illusion, like a fantasy come true. It had been hours later, and she was still feeling the effects of Dina’s tongue lightly brushing over her own.

The fire crackled harshly, breaking her from her thoughts. Through the wandering journey of her mind, she hadn’t even registered the snowflakes that began to sprinkle down softly against the cold, dirt ground. She quickly reached beside the wooden chair next to her own small bench, and put the lid over the pit. Gradually, the fire dimmed, but it never stopped burning, despite the flakes creeping through the many holes on the cover.

Ellie had left the party no more than twenty minutes beforehand, still dizzy from her passionate moment with the shorter girl on the dancefloor. The ugliest parts of her mind got the best of her, and she felt anxiety rise in the back of her throat as she remembered the drinks she’d watched Dina take down during the time she spent at the party. It had taken a lot for her to even show her face at the gathering – she found them pointless and boring. She didn’t know whether to be thankful or remorseful towards the fact that she now had a newfound excitement for them.

Dina hadn’t seen her leave, but after they separated, Ellie bashfully made a break for the back door. There, she made a small fire with planks, sticks, old, ragged newspaper and wood shavings. The trees outside the old church’s backyard hung many feet above her head, added to the dark, crisp atmosphere of fire and snow. Smoke rose like the breath escaping from Ellie’s mouth, blending in and intertwining with the sweetest of colors.

A creak of an old rickety door from behind her prompted her to turn, almost instinctually, like years and years of strife and survival played into that one moment. There wasn’t a single time a sound caught her by surprise that her heart didn’t drop, the breath escaping from her lungs, her eyes hardening and zeroing in on the source of the noise, like a prey of equal size ready to protect itself from a constant predator. If only for a moment, her body would tense, but for just a moment.

When she turned, her heart continued to stay on the floor, as the face of her beautiful best friend surfaced through the darkness and took shape with the light of the fire and the lanterns placed against the wood boards of the church behind her. Within seconds, her hands flew to her arms, the warmth of her breath melding with the cold air around her, and those perfectly imperfect eyebrows furrowed, scrunching that tantalizing face as the wind bit at her cheeks with icy teeth.

“Wow, it’s cold out here,” she murmured, mesmerized by the sudden change in temperature as nightfall fell on Jackson. Ellie, who had turned back around to face the fire, heard the crunching of cold dirt and grass mixed with the falling flakes approaching closer, and finally halting as the weight shifted on the bench, creaking with finality as the air went still around her. “How are you surviving out here?” The question directed toward her.

With the smallest grin, she breathing deeply through her nose as she shrugged simply. “I’m used to it, I guess.”

“So am I, but damn, this is cold,” Dina mused, looking around at the snowflakes falling gently with a quizzical look.

“Guess you’re just not tough enough,” Ellie’s tease brought about a dirty look of amusement to the redheaded girl.

“Yeah, okay, Red, whatever you say.”

A chuckle escaped through her nose, but quickly trailed off as a weight fell upon her shoulder. Her whole body froze then, quite like the snow falling peacefully around them. It didn’t take long for her to realize that it was Dina’s head gently placed against her shoulder, that thick black hair tucked back into her bun – save for the few strands that stuck up wildly from all the festivity from just minutes before – tickling against her freckled cheeks. Despite the numbness against her skin, she could still feel the soft hair pressing into the underside of her face.

Ellie’s body tensed with surprise. Dina’s arms were crossed tightly, pressed close to her body, her head leaning on the taller girl beside her. It was almost an impulsive move, but Ellie quickly moved out of that warm, intoxicating touch to quickly remove the green flannel she found herself clothed in, revealing the long-sleeved black shirt underneath. Dina looked at her curiously, trying to make sense of this sudden move.

Taking the flannel off of herself completely, with a blank face she tucked the smaller girls neatly underneath the clothing. “Here.”

Something about the way Dina looked in her flannel, the look of surprise on that perfect face of hers, completely stole away any merit from Ellie’s memories – the times Dina stole her coats because she irresponsibly forgot hers, borrowed her shirts for the night, got wet in the rain and needed to change at Ellie’s place. All of those meant nothing as she took in the image of Dina wrapped tightly in the fabric of her flannel, the gentle snowflakes falling around her, her soft breath appearing and disappearing, the light of the moon and the fire lighting her face so perfectly, she could practically faint, and just the way Dina was looking at her. Ellie was completely roped in under that hypnotizing gaze, those dark eyes staring into her and making her heart race as if she were running from an entire horde of clickers. The urge to kiss her again completely swept over her. To put her lips to hers again and again, just like they’d done inside the church.

But Ellie simply smiled sweetly at her, dropping her gaze down to the floor underneath her sneakers. Resuming her position with her back resting against the wooden boards of the bench, Dina’s head found its way back onto her shoulder.

“You’re not cold?” She asked, taken aback when she reached her hand to feel for Ellie’s arm, noticing just how thin the sleeve of her shirt was.

“No,” Ellie answered. “I mean, I’m definitely not warm, but I’m not freezing to death, either.” She assured the girl beside her.

“You feel warm,” Dina stated innocently, pressing herself even closer to the girl, nuzzling into Ellie’s neck. “That’s for sure.”

“Is that why you’re all up in my business?” Ellie asked with a smirk so wide that it was present in her voice. With a bold move that she definitely knew wasn’t her own, her arm weaved its way around a thin waist in an effort to bring Dina as much warmth as she could.

Dina nudged her. “Do you have a problem with that?” she challenged playfully.

“I never said that.”

“Good,” Dina’s eyes fluttered shut. “Then shut up.”

Ellie grinned subconsciously. There were very few times she was ever with Dina that she wasn’t smiling, or laughing, or her body didn’t ignite look the wood chippings in the fire pit in front of them. Dina made it impossible to be miserable.

Sudden thoughts invaded her warm mind, and she remembered Dina’s mocking retort at her now ex-boyfriend as she pulled Ellie to the dancefloor. Her mind had been replaying the entire memory again and again and again, but this time, for whatever reason, that stuck out.

“So, what’s the whole deal with Jesse now?” Ellie blurted out suddenly, almost involuntarily. Dina told Ellie everything – there were hardly any boundaries between the two.

She heard a loud sigh from below her, followed by a cloud of air forming next to her.

“I can assume pretty badly based off of earlier?” She pressed.

“Yeah,” Dina muttered blankly. “You know how I broke it off with him?” Ellie nodded. “Yeah, well, he hasn’t really left me alone since.”

“How long ago was it, again?” Ellie cut her off quickly, trying to scour the edges of her slightly tipsy brain to remember exactly when it was that she was brought the news of Dina and Jesse’s separation. Admittedly, she couldn’t bring herself to complain about it.

“Last week,” she answered tenderly. “The amount of shit he says to everyone else is infuriating.” Her tone shifted to that same annoyance that, truthfully, hooked Ellie in. “We agreed to keep it quiet, and he can’t do that, apparently.” She turned to Ellie suddenly. “Let me guess, he talked to you about it, too?”

Nodding, Ellie stared back sympathetically. “He briefly mentioned it. Before you came over, he asked if you’d mentioned anything about getting back together with him.”

Another sigh of frustration passed lovely lips.

“In all fairness,” Ellie said with lenient defense. “We were all technically pretty close. He has come to me about stuff before.”

“I guess,” Dina muttered, defeated.

Ellie looked at her inquisitively. “Did you at least give him a reason for cutting it off?”

“Was I supposed to?” Dina questioned, provocatively. “I didn’t know there was some rule that you have to give your boyfriend or girlfriend a reason before you feel it right to break up. I don’t owe him anything. I have my reasons.” There was a stubbornness to her tone that felt like flames had set in the air.

“Well, no,” Ellie shrugged carefully. “Not necessarily. But maybe if you gave him some kind of reason, he wouldn’t be so dumb about it.” She suggested.

“Maybe,” She said with respite. “He wouldn’t have been able to process it, anyway. He would’ve just gotten mad and taken it out on everyone. He would’ve hated me and it would’ve ruined a lot for him and others, and I just decided not to do that to him or anyone else.”

Ellie felt that curiosity biting at her behind closed doors. What reason could she have? And who would it even affect? They’d been continuing this conversation as if they hadn’t passionately kissed in the crowd less than an hour ago. It was as if nothing had ever happened.

“Well…” Ellie’s curiosity finally killed the cat. “What was the reason, then?”

Dina didn’t respond. For the first time, in all the years she’d known her, Ellie watched Dina hesitate. She watched her lose her footing, get stuck and not know what to say. Ellie savored every second of that moment, took every single millisecond of that silence in and drank it hungrily. As much as it startled her, she was absolutely infatuated with the feeling of Dina’s hesitation.

As if it never happened, her usual demeanor flushed through her face, returning to its usual expression of confidence and security.

“I just didn’t feel for him the way I thought I did. I was looking for more than what he had. It wasn’t even a personal thing. I was looking for real feeling, and I just didn’t get it,” Scooting a fraction of an inch closer to the taller girl, she paused. “I guess I found that in someone else.”

The ground collided with the sky in that moment. On the outside, Ellie remained stoic and unbothered. On the inside, it was like fireworks were being launched throughout her entire body, rendering her completely immobile. Just that slight little movement, that little nudge toward her, the smallest implication – it set Ellie aflame. 

“Someone else…” Ellie repeated, reluctant to turn her head, but only finding swirling dark pools glinting in the light of the fire staring deeply into her.

“Yes,” Dina affirmed. “Someone else.”

Ellie was entranced by her gaze. All of the magnetism in her was pulling towards her lips. More than anything, Ellie hoped it was true – she hoped it was her.

But the usual doubt forced its way into the goodness of her thoughts; the idea that all of this was just devastatingly false hope, or maybe she was reading way too much into it, or maybe Dina was just drunk. Maybe tomorrow morning, Dina would wake up and pretend it never even happened, never bring it up again, never attempt to kiss her again. Ellie’s heart fell as she realized the possibility of never being able to kiss Dina again became all too close to reality. Never feeling those warm lips pressed to her own, the sweat of her palms mixing with the skin of the back of her neck, what her waist felt like between her fingers. It nearly killed her.

All of that fear, all of that doubt resurfaced to an unimaginable extreme as Dina’s eyes flitted to Ellie’s lips for just a second – only a second – before, suddenly, she was leaning in, getting closer and closer. Ellie froze, watching that beautiful face nearing hers, those lips right there for the taking, and about to press against hers and it was dizzying and perfect in the moonlight and –

“Why are you doing that?”

Dina stopped dead in her tracks at the sudden interruption from the girl in front of her. Ellie watched Dina’s eyes fall into shock, staring into hers in an almost panic. It was nearly heartbreaking.

Another moment of hesitation – of terror.

“Doing what?” She asked, her words merely a breath. Her face was still just centimeters away from Ellie’s.

“You keep…” Ellie stumbled over her own thoughts and words which raced at millions of miles an hour. “You keep… kissing me. You keep kissing me like it’s just normal, but it’s just… so confusing.” The words flew out of Ellie’s mouth, unbelievably to herself. “Why do you keep kissing me?”

Dina stuttered; another thing Ellie never once heard in her life. “I… I don’t know, I… I just wanted to,” Ellie could hear Dina’s heartbeat from inches away. “Do you… not want me to? Because, I just…! I didn’t mean to upset you –”

She’d never seen her so off of her feet, so caught off-guard. Ellie couldn’t believe it was her that made her that way.

“No, Dina,” Ellie shut her down immediately. “I want to. More than anything, I want to. That kiss, on the dancefloor… that singlehandedly changed everything for me. But, you just… we just got done talking about your breakup, and now you’re here, and you’re about to kiss me again, and I just…” She had to regroup, her words sounding sterner. “I don’t want this if you don’t.” She couldn’t bring herself to tell her everything she wanted – about how she wouldn’t be used like a puppet on strings by her, even if she knew full well that if Dina wanted, she could maneuver her like a new car. Her grip on Ellie was just too strong.

“Ellie…” Dina was practically speechless – it was all so foreign.

The taller girl remained silent, staring into her. Finally, it prompted Dina to continue.

“You want the truth, then?” She looked away as the words slipped through her mouth like water over rocks. “You want the truth? Jesse was nothing like you. He didn’t act like you, he didn’t joke like you, he didn’t talk like you, he didn’t smell like you, he didn’t look like you.” Ellie’s mind went numb with every sentence. “He wasn’t you. And I hated it, I hated him for not being you. It isn’t fair, I know that. But I thought… maybe dating him, it would help me get over this fucking persisting urge I have to be with you.”

Ellie was completely astonished – those words were words she’d been waiting to hear for months, years maybe, she completely lost track of how long it had been since she felt herself falling deeply in love with Dina. It wasn’t even so much of a crush anymore, it was deep love. It was undeniable – she was terribly stricken with it. 

“Why would you…” Ellie’s voice came out mangled, frustrated. She backed away slightly to get a better look at the girl in front of her. “Why would you try and get over it? Hasn’t it been obvious enough?” Her hands found their way into Dina’s. Dina’s eyes were wide with anxious wonder. “I know I’m terrible at showing people how I feel. I know that.” She exasperated. “But like I said… That fucking kiss meant everything to me.”

Dina, this time, was taken aback by the force, the rawness in Ellie’s voice. There were no words that she could formulate, her expression was like an open book.

Regaining her composure, Ellie’s brows furrowed. “I just want the truth.”

“Ellie, that is the truth,” Dina insisted. “I dated Jesse because I wanted to get over you. I didn’t want to lose you, so I tried to get over you.”

Relief flooded over her, a waterfall hitting the river and piling into the ocean. Everything felt free, open, and raw. The numbness biting her cheeks couldn’t even compare to the blood coursing through her, carrying adrenaline from head to toe. Her heart pumped wildly.

“Okay,” Ellie breathed. “I believe you.”

Dina looked back up at her. “Good,” she whispered. 

It was this time that, with the unrelenting adrenaline in her system, Ellie darted forward to capture Dina’s lips in a searing kiss equal in power to the one from earlier. Dina immediately responded against her, her hand finding purchase on a cold cheek and pulling her closer. In a heated exchange of lips, Ellie no longer felt the ice-cold exterior surrounding them. Everything exploded in heat, a warmth that ignited through her lips and throughout her body, the same warmth Dina felt within her, too.

Their strands of kisses never ceased, not for a few solitary moments in the silence of the outdoors, the only sounds being their lips smacking together fervently, and their heavy breaths escaping and meshing together harshly in the visible air around them. Ellie’s hand was still placed solemnly against Dina’s waist, the other landing on Dina’s knee, while Dina’s one hand stayed glued to her face, and the other roaming the space of her upper back.

The kiss only lasted a minute, maybe two, until the two broke apart shyly. The confidence they felt diving into one another had completely dissipated. It was hard to read the expression on Dina’s flushed face, but Ellie knew it wasn’t anything bad. Based on the way she eagerly returned her kiss, and reluctantly pulled her head away from Ellie’s, she could infer Dina had quite enjoyed their second passionate excursion.

Silence fell over the two, heavy pants turning to soft breaths as the comfortable tranquility of the atmosphere around them set them at peace. The snow still fell, now gently coating the top of Ellie’s head and shoulders, and nearly Dina’s entire body.

“Maybe we should head inside, huh?” Dina asked endearingly, her body wracked with shivers after Ellie’s warmth was quickly replaced by the harsh nighttime cold.

Ellie found herself smiling. “I mean, you can go inside. But I think it’s about time I headed home. I’ve had a pretty hectic night.”

“Hectic?” Dina repeated, unamused, with a raise of her eyebrow.

“Yeah, you know,” Ellie cracked. “Dancing and stuff.”

“Oh, you’re so full of shit,” the shorter girl couldn’t suppress a hearty laugh. “You’re really gonna go?” The disappointment in her voice almost had Ellie’s mind changed in a split second.

“Yeah,” she fought the urge anyway. “I’m tired. And I had stuff to drink.”

“You mean one glass?”

Ellie nodded humorously. “Something like that.”

Standing up and dusting herself off of snow, Ellie simply looked down sweetly at the girl still shivering on the bench. Leaning down gingerly, she placed a soft kiss, warm lips touching a practically frozen forehead.

“Have fun, okay?” Ellie murmured.

Dina rolled her eyes before amusedly watching the girl stalk off towards the distant streetlights leading home. Ellie didn’t bother to look back, because she knew looking back would just get her to stay. But, a call of her name prompted her to turn swiftly, and face a standing Dina who was waving.

“Your flannel!”

In all the curious excitement, she’d completely forgotten that Dina was warmly tucked into her flannel. Ellie grinned to herself as she stopped and watched the girl start to remove the fabric off her body.

“Just keep it for the night!” Ellie called back to her. Before she had time to respond, she turned and kept heading for the lights on the roads.

At the end of the day, she knew Dina would get more use out of that flannel in the cold winter night that night than her. Besides, she had plenty more flannels back at home she could use.

Maybe she’d just let her keep that one.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
This is another of the Tumblr requests I received for these two.
> 
> My tumblr handle is @lmontyy, and I take any and all requests, (so long as they're not unreasonable or crazy!) but I'm very easygoing when it comes to writing, and do enjoy writing for others. Any and all questions or inquiries may be directed to my inbox here or on tumblr. :)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!


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